Ask A Unicorn Scholar

Dearest most intelligent Unicorn Scholar,
How do you define the sexual orientation of a unicorn? If a unicorn is a male does it have a penis? If it is a woman a vagina? Can they be attracted to the same sex? Can a human date a unicorn? So many unanswered questions….
Love the ever so curious,
Strawberry Jam

 

Dearest Strawberry Jam,

I’m not sure how old you are, but these kind of sexual questions assail us no matter how point in life. As we walk around this earth, we are attacked by a multitude of questions about our own sexuality, specifically our sexual preferences towards animals of a horned nature. I cannot tell you the path to follow, young condiment, but I can give you a word of advice: always check local bestiality laws.

You’re welcome,

The Unicorn Scholar