Unicorns vs. Narwhals, utter Rubish!

I Googled unicorn and narwhals, and I found this site.

http://unicornvsnarwhal.smackjeeves.com/

It’s about the battles between unicorns and narwhals. I can’t believe something could be so inaccurate. I mean seriously, narwhals are basically unicorns in sea mode, so why would they want to harm each other? The answer is they wouldn’t. It’s like a perfectly healthy couple suddenly turning violent against each other. Because unicorns and narwhals are a perfectly healthy couple. They’re perfectly healthy. I guess it’s good to try and do something unicorn relatred, but please try and get your facts straight.

I alctually kind of like them though…

Unicorns Are Pro Green

Unicorn are usually not all about change. They weren’t too fond of the automobile and certainly didn’t like the in-ground swimming pool. But a change unicorns do like is the change of being green. Not green in color, but a change in the way we act! Being green is being more responsible with what we do, and helping save our environment. Unicorns can totally get behind this because they know how it feels to lose everything they once had.

So you might ask yourself right about now, “Geez, how can I be green?” Well there are many things you can do: you can turn off lights and water when you are not using them, recycle paper and plastics, go to your local food market, support wind power and many other things.

Being green can be hard though, and at times you might even want to quit. But just remember that you can be in support of unicorns by doing so, and even get the official green unicorn badge of honor (see below)! Have fun being green!

Make sure you print it out and wear it.

Cole Michael – Ultimate Unicorn Uh-thority

It may be hard to believe, but it is true – Cole Michael is the ultimate unicorn uh-thority. Find it hard to believe? That’s weird. I have some interesting statistics and facts to back me up. First, here are some facts:
1) Cole Michael has been in contact with the heads of Unicorn Government.
2) Cole Michael has ridden a unicorn through the Grand Canyon.
3) Cole Michael is currently the world’s ultimate unicorn uh-thority.

Not convinced by those facts? You’re a goddamn idiot. But let me put up some statistics:
1) Cole Michael has written nineteen posts (as of Jan-04-10) for this particular unicorn blog, the second highest post count out of all the authors.
2) Cole Michael has the highest viewed post of all-time (as of Jan-04-10).
3) Cole Michael is currently the world’s ultimate unicorn uh-thority.

Still not convinced you goddamn ignoramus? Then here is the deal: you are a liar. Everyone knows that Cole Michael is currently the world’s ultimate unicorn uh-thority. Everyone knows that he legitimatly earned this title through hard work and dedication, and not just because he won a stupid contest. Anyone who says that is jealous and a liar. Are you a jealous liar? Don’t be. It’s unbecoming.

In conclusion: Cole Michael is currently the world’s ultimate unicorn uh-thority. Statistics and facts back this up. You are definitely a liar if you disagree. Bow down to his glory now and you will spared later.

Anyone Remember Samuel Rowlett?

I had recently found Samuel Rowlett on facebook. He had been my instructor while I had attended the Governor’s Institute on the Arts. It was while I was on his page, browsing through his work, that I found this very bizarre creature:

There’s no title to the work, but I have dubbed it the Sockicorn. Its horn is a bit lumpy, but it has a certain charm to it, don’t you think?

eating habits of the unicorn (contest)

Although unicorns have been enigmatic beast during their existence, we can predict many things about them. One of these things being their unique eating patterns. To most people it would appear that unicorns are herbivores due to their white silky soft appearance. For the European unicorn this is true, they do enjoy their greens and are a great way for parents to get their children to eat vegetables. But there is also the classic unicorn, with the head of a lion, body of a deer and long scaly horn. This type of unicorn is actually a carnivore, as the lion head suggests. Now you may be thinking “What if a European unicorn had a child with a classic unicorn? Would it be an omnivore?” The answer is no, the classic unicorn gene would take superiority and would there by be a carnivore.

Of course there is always the possibility that unicorns don’t eat at all. Being holy and whimsical beasts, it is possible that they can draw the power of the sun to use as a nourishment. The main problem with this logic is that unicorns are believed to be mammals, and feed their young with milk. If this logic of unicorns using photosynthesis was true that would a) mean they are not able to create milk for their young because they can’t create matter from nothing, and b) they would obviously be plants. Of course unicorns are not plants, and by observing the feeding habits of the horse (their close relative) you can see that the European unicorn probably eats. If you observe the eating habits of a lion, you will also see that the classic unicorn most likely eats.

Although it isn’t impossible to rule out the possibility of unicorns being their very own kingdom; one that has characteristics of a mammal but uses photosynthesis. I am though a strong believer in the fact that unicorns do eat, but everything in science is not set in stone. As I said in my first paragraph unicorns are enigmatic beasts, so we should never assume that we know anything completely about them, even something as simple as eating. In the trailer of “Everyone Poops” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsLqKAvKiQM) it clearly depicts that a unicorn can “poop” showing that they must eat something.

Assuming that the European unicorn eats, I would say that their main diet is four leaf clovers and babies’ breath. I choose these things not just because of pure randomness, but because of structured logic. Four leaf clovers are the unicorns of the plant world. They are mysterious and rare, and oh so lovely. So there is no reason why unicorns would not eat them. Seriously, it’s just stupid to think that they wouldn’t eat them. As for the classic unicorn their main diet would be the flesh of a pure blood virgin, but with today’s drugs and bluntness towards unvirgining people, this food is becoming uncommon. Due to the uncommonness of the food, this race of unicorn is slowly dying out, just like the dinosaurs.

So overall it’s very difficult to tell what exactly unicorns eat. It may as well be a mystery until I have the chance to ask a unicorn what they like to eat. I imagine it would be difficult to find a restaurant that can house both of our food related needs. Maybe a sushi bar could be what we need, the Japanese do have quite the folklore surrounding unicorns both European and classic. But overall it’s not up to me what they eat, it’s up to them.

-Cole Michael

Believe In Your Dreams

The Half Year Point!

The New Year is conveniently right about in the middle of our first year as a blog. It’s been about six months since we’ve started this back on July 9th, and I thought I’d share some statistics with you:

We’ve had 2248 total views of this blog.

Our busiest day was August 10th, with 177 views.

Not counting this one, we’ve had 70 posts.

Those posts also have 91 comments.

We also have a total of 13 contributors, and 9 of them have published at least one post.

Finally, the most popular post of all time. Are you ready?

Drum roll please.

*dootdootdootdootdootdootdootdoot*

With 263 page views, the most popular post of all time (until our first anniversary) is… Unicorns and Narwhals: Coincidence, I Think Not by Cole Michael!

Everyone be cool and safe until at least next year, and happy unicorning!

Unicorn Game? Oh yes.

http://www.kongregate.com/games/eddandjack/unicorn-game-candy-in-the-clouds

A game of mystical wonder and stress relief, in which you play a bouncy pink unicorn collecting various candies in the clouds. Infuriatingly simple, but highly entertaining. Bounce away!

unicorn rider

The missing link?